January 13, 2010; The Gay Thing

A hard look

Christmas has come and gone and it's a new year, so I am looking around me and trying to evaluate (or re-evaluate) where I am and there's one thing that strikes me, here, living with the Mooks: it's the gay thing.

Except I'm starting to think it's not a gay thing at all but a straight thing. I mean, I look at my Mooks and they are pretty harmless. Yes, they can be tiresome when you're trying to watch a movie and they will freeze-frame on some shirtless guy and sigh and then move on but you've lost track of the story because you're just stewing in the fact that they paused the movie for something so stupid and they never pause the movie when there's nekkid female flesh on the screen. But these are small things. There are millions of reasons to hate the Mooks but I'm starting to realize that them being queer isn't one of them.

But I will tell you what does annoy me...straights and their problems with gays. Let's take a couple.

Like this Mrs. Robinson in Northern Ireland. Here's a politician married to a politician. She's spent a good deal of her life shrieking about homosexuality being an abomination. Then, suddenly...

Well let's think of it in these terms: what makes Mrs. Robinson think that the image of two lipstick lesbians feasting on bearded clam (mmmmmmmm clam) is somehow less repulsive than the image of 60-year-old Mrs. Robinson playing the skin flute or hide the bratwurst with some hairless adolescent...an Irish crone flapping her wattles and sagging tits all over the face of a kid who can still count his pubic hairs?

She's a piece of work, all right. I understand she's in a booby hatch right now. Well, that says it all because I've discovered that a lot of people with over-the-top opinions on homosexuality are usually a bit crazy.

Like the Ugandans.

So these people didn't have a lot of time for the gays and the lesbians before, but suddenly there appeared, in this sad little country, a trio of American Evangelists who were going to explain to all of Uganda that homosexuality was, indeed, an abomination but also that it was curable! Well the whole country cottoned on to these Ugly Americans and their ideas and before you know it, they started to pass a law: homosexuality was going to be punishable by death.

Well I don't know about you but if they start to kill people for using the back door how long before they're executing everyone for doggie style!!!??? You see where this is going? And don't think I'm over-reacting because we're talking about a continent where some people think you can cure AIDS by fucking babies.

AND IT'S EVERYWHERE!!!

On the web site, Americans for Truth About Homosexuality (yes, there is such a site), you can read: "Jesus Christ offers you complete forgiveness if you will swallow that gay pride, repent, believe in Him and accept His sacrificial atonement as a 'free gift' for your eternal salvation. Jesus is God yet He came down to earth to pay the price for your and my sins! Many former homosexuals have obeyed Christ’s words — 'Go now and leave your life of sin' — and embarked on a new, abundant life in Him."

You sorta want the writer of that to list his sins.

And after all this, I look at my Mooks who read Stephen King on their Kindles and play World of Warcraft or games on their iPhones and shovel the snow off the steps and feed me and watch Bargain Hunt and CSI (ad nauseam) and I wonder...

...where the hell are the bogeymen these drooling, semi-comatose fucktards are talking about?