June 12, 2010; TV Things that drive me fucking crazy!

- After seeing a happy family, running in fields and playing with the dog and—oh look!—there's granny reading a book and smiling benevolently...you find out it's for a senility drug and she isn't smiling benevolently she's blissed out on pills and then they read the side-effects of the pills at fuck-nutz speed and some of these effects are way-deadly and harmless little grandma is lucky she isn't under the ground...yet!

- Conditions of sale in car ads. Get a DVR. Pause 'em. I've done it. Read the conditions of sale (those blurry lines at the bottom of the screen). Go blind.

- Film promos with "rave" reviews from critics no on has ever heard of (lots of dot-coms here) and that's if you can read who the critic is. What this really means? "The 'A-Team' is a huge hunk of steaming, maggot-infested feces."

- The cast lists at the beginning of shows where all you can think about is who had the best agent like: how much fucking negotiation did it take for the actor to be listed last with an "and" before his name.

- Hot chicks disappearing from shows I watch. Like who is the queer fucktard who canned all those assistant DAs on "Law and Order" (especially the blond dyke!!!).

- Gay guys in series who aren't realistic. F'r'instance why didn't Jack on "Will & Grace" ever whine about his anal warts? My Boys bitch about their health constantly and they aren't even fucking anymore!

- Simlarly, chicks on TV who are just homos in dresses like the "Sex and the City" broads or anyone in a reality show; "America's Nest Top Model"?—she's really a girly-boy...trust me.

- Comebacks that are just sad. Like Leno.

- Larry King. That's it. Larry King.

- Rick Sanchez who thinks one thing is "a list."

- Infomercials where the audience looks like they were brought in on a short bus; drooling over some gadget which, next month, will be featured in garage sales around the world.

- In passing: how does that ugly, talentless Belushi guy keep getting work?

- Sports where the men are prettier than women...like soccer. Mind you, the women in sports all look like ugly men, so I guess in comparison all those frog strikers are lovely. (And what's with Kaka...has anyone told him?)

- When a sex scandal breaks and they say, "and details we can't discuss on a news show." Excuse me, but wasn't it on a news show that the whole world heard that Bill had jammed a Cuban in Monica's twat?