Oh! my stars! What the hell are they watching now?
Since the Mooks got the new stations they watch a whole hell of a lot of television and that means that I do too. Most of it is that artsy-fartsy crap that a thinking dog sleeps through, but some of this stuff is...well—out there.
They seem to like documentaries about really fat people. I've seen hour after hour of the morbidly obese waddling about or, more often, just lying there waiting for bariatric surgery. I mean, Mook A is a bit tubby, but at least he began to slow down a bit before he got to the point where he'd kill me with a mere jiggle of his leg-pudge.
But beyond the insanely fat people shows, there are the shows about sex. Not porn (though, for some odd reason, A watches a good deal of that...the straight variety—go figure...). No, they watch documentaries about porn or the sex industry. You see a couple of those and you realize these freaks haven't even evolved past the monkeys! There are a couple of these programs which are just downright depressing (and if you have an anthropological streak in you, like I do, explain why the entire planet is headed to annihilation). One of them is actually a series about whores and pimps and johns. If you thought that part of things was cash-'n-carry-tidy, think again. The show seems to specialize in the real whores...the ones on crack, with no teeth and fucked up complexions and hair that hasn't seen shampoo in a month or two. You can practically smell them through the screen (and it's not a nice smell, like garbage).
The Mooks also watched this documentary about child prostitution and for most of it I wanted to call a vet to administer the Big Sleep. It was about kids who had been seduced and "turned out" (as they say) when they were 13 or so. The girls were all sad and missing something in their lives and finding that thing in exactly the wrong place: some fucking asshole who was going to sell them to anyone. The doc took a slight turn for the better, halfway through, but the Mooks were blubbering like babies and I just stared—wondering what semi-tard deity had put humans at the top of the food chain.
Suddenly living with a pair of old queens didn't seem so bad. One good thing? They rarely have sex, at their age, so there is none of that—er—noise to keep you from a good nap. Another thing? No kids. Also, they are both so broken down (especially A) that they don't go strutting around in the altogether which means I don't get exposed to the hairy hideousness of it all.
Sure, they still have drives. A can't walk past a guy in shorts without smacking into a tree and when he thinks no one is looking B surfs the internet (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). But there is none of that embarrassing messy stuff I see over and over again in the movies. And they don't recruit. (But then again, what the hell could they offer recruits?)
The only thing I'm confused about, with them, is who is the woman. A is the naggier one so I think he might be. But then again, B never passed a mirror he didn't like and primps every fucking time and he tends the sad little balcony gardens and vacuums a lot.
To put it bluntly, I don't think I have a Mommy. Just two Aunties.
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