August 1, 2009: Of Dogs and Men

Mmmmmmm...soap!

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...!

For once the Mooks and I are on the same page, today.

First, there was a bath...I'm still all a-tingle, even though Mook A, while he was giving it to me notes: "How can a dog with no balls get an erection!" Sorrrrrrry for being stimulated...want to cut my frank off, now that you've gotten rid of the beans?

Anyhoo...

The other thing the Mooks and I mightily agree on is this whole Michael Vick thing. A was tearing around this morning, bellowing about it, after he read an article in the paper.

First off, let me say that I admire football players no end. I don't believe they do steroids, I don't believe they're all retards, I don't believe they'd all be washing cars if it wasn't for the sport. I believe they are modern day warriors and Frank and I, back when, could watch game after game on a Sunday afternoon just to see these guys in combat. More: they' re real men. Look, admit it: baseball players are all sissies. Hockey players? Puh-leeze...ice skates not being used as weapons in a sport...what's the point of that—they might as well be fucking figure-skaters. All the others—golf, bowling, basketball? One word: homos. Soccer? They players don't even speaka-da-English. And don't get me started on anything else in the Olympics.

But football—where you can be so injured in a game that you drool and talk to chairs for the rest of your life, or spend eternity peeing in a bag or rolling around in a wheelchair—now that's a fucking sport!

Except for Michael Vick.

What kind of fucking faggot-in-hiding needs to prove he's a man by torturing and killing fucking dogs? What kind of fart-knocking, banana-blowing, Michael-Jackson-loving, friend-of-Dorothy do you have to be to turn the noblest of all beings on Earth into vicious monsters who must kill or be killed? Even your average gay—and you couldn't get more average than the two I'm living with—have bigger cojones than someone who would do what Michael Vick did.

Worse! They're letting him back in the game? What next? Ax murderers as tight-ends? Baby-killers on tackle? Pedophiles as QBs? Nope! And you know why? Because those guys harm humans and you couldn't have that. But get a dog murderer in there and everything is just hunky-fucking-dory.

I'd like to rip all their fucking eyes out and shove it up their collective butt so they could see how big an asshole they all are.

I think I'll start watching ballroom dancing; the testosterone level there appears to be higher.