June 1, 2009; The Watchers

Sleeping with one eye open

Though I had an "accident" three days ago (which the Mooks admitted was their fault for making me wait...) it's been eight, almost nine, days since the last big incident and the two of them are still watching me like hawks. I don't quite get them; we even speak different languages—I speak English, French and Dawg (yes, that's how the language is spelled!), and they speak Mookinese.

I've slowly started to decode it. For instance, when Mook A says, during a walk, "Short leash, now go slowly," it means: "Strain every muscle in your body and pull that short leash 'til you choke." When he says, "Come!" It means: "Sit and wait until I come over there." When I do those things he lets out a deep sigh which is a lot like the one I release when I'm falling into delicious slumber. So he must be happy.

But do whatever I can, they watch me. You know how much they watch!!!??? I HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING CHIP IMPLANTED IN MY BODY!!! Do you believe it!!! What kind of Nazi world are we living in when, as I'm asleep having my balls scooped out, they jab a foreign object under my skin to track my comings and goings? How soon before they're doing it to children...or maybe they're doing it already! I wonder if they're hacking the tots' goolies off too for "population control" or some such high-minded principle! How many ethnics or demi-tards are born and then sterilized before getting a chip in their scalp to track their politically deviant activities?

I'm telling you—it's not the Mooks who should be watching me but me watching the Mooks...all the Mooks!

I'll tell you which Mook we keep a close eye on, for starters: Bono. He's up to no good. Sure, it's the environment-this and Africa-that, but I know...I...know—he's covering up a more sinister agenda that includes eugenics, chip implants and world domination. Just listen to the songs! "I can't live with or without you." (Translation: You can't be killed, so I'll control you with sterilization and a chip.) Or: "Where the streets have no name." Get it? No name...no name...(Bo)no name!

See! See! You just have to decode the Mookinese!