Does this dog look normal to you?
Have you seen Bo? No, neither have I. Not since the photo op. I'm obsessed with him, as every dog is obsessed with him (and the Queen's corgis...but that's a whole 'nuther kettle of fish).
I'll tell you what's happened. Bo killed Sasha. You haven't seen her either, have you? I mean those kids were trotted out every time someone belched or farted and suddenly—poof!—no kids and—poof!—no Bo.
Here's the thing: a lot of dogs are racist. In the pound every second dog was either trained to bark at people of colour (I think that's the going phrase) or else they've never seem a human other than the white ones and so they go ballistic when a non-white crosses their path. It's like me and squirrels. Instinctive hatred of the unknown.
I bet they brought that fucked up dog from his white trainers into the White House and he flipped when he wasn't seeing white people. So then the kids were playing with the "cute little puppy," all alone up in their room and suddenly it turned into Saw 8—Sasha blood sprayed across the walls and Malia running for her life.
I'm telling you, you can't trust the Portuguese Water Dog—not 'cause it's Portuguese (or at least, not just because it's Portuguese), but because any animal that is called a Water-anything had better be a fucking fish.
So here's what's going to happen now:
First, Bo is going to get killed in a "terrorist" attack or get blown away by a trigger-happy secret service agent who thought he was a terrorist. Then there's going to be a nationwide, and very secret, search to find a Sasha lookalike to fill in. Then the whole little family including Tico—the First chihuahua—will be in front of the cameras again.
The secret will last forever...unless they tell Joe Biden.
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