"Oh no!" Skeeter suddenly yelped. I was curled up beside him on the La-Z-Boy, trying to sleep. I opened my eyes for a minute and woke fully because he looked really upset.
"What is it?"
"Yogi's cat is gone!"
"Where? Who's Yogi?"
"You miserable little fucker! My friend who had the sick cat! I told you all about it!"
"Oh right! Your imaginary friend and her—ick—cat."
"You're such a shit. You have no idea how difficult it is—"
"—a cat—"
"YES! A CAT!" Damn he was mad. He calmed a bit and said, "You know, people who don't have pets don't understand. When Buddy and Kitoune and Cosmo passed on, it was hell."
"Yeah, but they were dogs."
He ignored me and went into nostalgia land. "Even Boo...when Buddy had to be put to sleep Boo drove me to the vet's and stayed in the waiting room. I stayed with Buddy and the doctor. But as I was holding my old boy I started to cry and when the doctor said, 'It's done,' I lost it. I mean wailed like a professional mourner. Boo came running into the examination room and tried to help. He didn't realize Buddy had gone and patted him on the head and the look on his face when he realized he had patted a dead dog was priceless—he wasn't much of a dog guy back then—and I laughed a little but then I started wailing again. Boo took me out of the vet's office and everyone in the waiting room looked down and held their cats and dogs close to them and that set me off even more!"
My God, he was shedding a tear at the memory! Yeej, what could I do? I tried to change the subject. "So Boo wasn't a dog guy—"
"Not 'til we adopted Cosmo together and he fell in love with him and they were a match made in Heaven until the end. Boo couldn't even handle being there when..."
And Skeeter stopped talking. Lordie, he was really not very manly! A cat? A cat named Taffy? A cat named Taffy had started all this? I'll never understand people.
Later that night, after bedtime, I got up for a sip of water and before I even got to the kitchen I could smell the opium...and something else. "Hello Cosmo," I said as I went over to my bowl. He was curled up on the kitchen floor, turned away from me, cigarette dangling from his face as he flopped his head back.
"I want you to meet someone," the big, dumb, stoner Dalmatian said.
I looked over at him as I sipped and from the curl of his body emerged the chubbiest cat I'd ever seen. He was a concoction of light brown and white and I could tell from his eyes he was a little "happy" too. I realized that was the other smell: catnip. I knew right away who it was.
"Yeah, you stupid mutt—I'm Taffy." I snerfed a little at the name and he hissed and said, "Something funny, meat-breath?"
"I'd be careful, little feller," Cosmo said, "he may be a little round, but he's not sick or old here. A cat on this side, even a house-cat, can be one mean mofo." The cat laughed and Cosmo laughed and soon the two were rolling about on the floor together in stoner-doofus hilarity.
"So why are you two here...? The holidays are over so I know you're not the ghosts of Christmas." And again they roared like the laff-track on an 80s sitcom.
Finally they simmered down and Cosmo said, "Cats, my friend, are part of the Great Family, on this side."
"Yes," Taffy said, "and on your side, the lucky among us—not like your Cleo or Slicer—are part of people's families...more, we're part of their hearts. So, yes, our people get upset too."
"Okay, fine," I said.
"No! Don't be dismissive," Cosmo said solemnly, "what he's saying is true. I know. In my travels I've seen it."
"Okay, then I'm sorry," I said.
"That's fine," Taffy said, "besides, I'm better now. Those last months were not fun. And the best thing: in my people's memory I'm still a kitten."
"And I'm still the galumphing goof that made Boo and Skeeter laugh," Cosmo said.
"And we're still the pair that could play tug-of-war for hours," said Buddy and Kitoune, Skeeter's dogs before Cosmo, slipping out from behind the Dalmatian.
"We never go away, Leo, because memories..."
There was a long silence and then Taffy said, "Don't worry, I won't be doing the song from Cats." The four spectres began to shriek with laughter together and, I gotta say, it was a funny sight.
But
But
But when I laughed all four of them disappeared. Poof!
As I toddled off to bed, far, far in the distance came Cosmo's familiar howl, "Goodnight Leo!" followed by a yowl from Taffy, "Gooooooodnight!" I chuckled and, from the smell of th opium and catnip in the air, I fell asleep.
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