September 30, 2010; Lazy Days

It is the change of seasons and my body, with its short hair and little fat, is not responding kindly. The temperature goes from Ice Age to tropical and I don't know whether I'm coming or going. So I sleep.

Yesterday, I was snoozing in Skeeter's bed as he read a book (or whatever you now call reading something on a Kindle) and all of a sudden, just outside the open window, two squirrels were going mental. Skeeter looked up and watched for a bit and noticed I was not even lifting my head. "Hey!" he said, "squirrels playing!"

"They're fucking, you dumb twat," I rumbled.

"Whoa! Nice mood," he said.

"I'm feeling lazy. Leave me alone."

He drew me up to his face and into a hard cuddle. I grunted in pleasure from the warmth. "What is it, little dude?"

"You want to watch squirrels fuck...fine! You want to fuck...fine! I just want to hibernate."

"Is that jealousy I hear there?" he twitted. I gnawed on his knuckle in response, shooting millions of bacteria into his blood stream. Then he said something horrifying: "Next week, Boo is travelling with the school, so you and I are alone for three days, including two mornings. I need you to cut me some slack."

I bounded up on the bed! "CUT YOU SOME SLACK?!?!? YOU WALK ME EARLY IN THE EVENING AND EXPECT ME TO GO THROUGH TWELVE HOURS 'TIL LATE IN THE MORNING WITHOUT PISSING!!! I HARDLY GET ANY ATTENTION!!! MY WHOLE ROUTINE IS THROWN OUT OF WHACK!!! CUT YOU SOME SLACK?!?!? WHAT...THE...FUCK?!?!"

"Funny how your lazy spell passes fast when you think your life might get a little uncomfortable—"

"—you're on notice, fuckwad...get your messy, all-over-the-place act together or there will be blood."

"Just remember what happened last year when he was gone for two weeks: you ran me ragged and I ended up in the fucking hospital."

I did remember and suddenly gnawing on his knuckle did not seem like such a brilliant idea. He had gotten sick and I had been hauled off to a strange place for two days. I need my little routine. I need my little place. I need my smells around me. And I needed Boo and/or Skeet (preferably both). Of course I would never tell them that. That kind of knowledge in the wrong hands is far too dangerous.