August 21, 2010; The Dilemma of The Enigmatic Mr. Boo

Mr. Boo was a tall-ish, spindly fellow with salt and pepper hair and a long, long face. His nose hooked out like a beak. He dressed well—perhaps a little too well as he could not pass a mirror without appraising what he saw there. He was what was known, back then, as a confirmed bachelor; a man happy in his freedom who did not have the shackles of wedlock. However, he did share his home and expenses with a mysterious "roommate" but of him little is known.

Mr. Boo worked hard and at many things. He had a love/hate relationship with his work putting in concentrated hours at it even as he claimed not to enjoy much of it, particularly. He made a decent salary—enough to feed his dog and pay his rent and occasionally travel and, of course, buy clothes and many, many pairs of shoes. He had money in savings. But of his life—the life of the heart—very little is known because he did not share this with his friends or family. He simply remained happy in his confirmed bachelor way.

He was an enigma. He had a sense of humour that seemed to come from a place (or person) other than himself but those around him knew that there was no such person. He also, in the last two decades or so, had taken to expressing himself differently: more swearing, people noted, and more English was peppered throughout his conversation. No one knew what the source of this was and assumed Mr. Boo watched a lot of anglo television, particularly HBO.

One day, the head of the department of the establishment where Mr. Boo worked told him that one of the project managers was tired of his job and was stepping down and would Mr. Boo consider a promotion to this post. As the previous manager was still working at the establishment and had stepped down (and not been demoted) he would be delighted to help Mr. Boo with the transition—with learning the ropes, as it were. Mr. Boo knew that the post would pay only a little more and would require many, many hours more work so he accepted it enthusiastically. (This paradox being part of the enigma that is Mr. Boo.)

What was good, at the start, is that he had a pleasant if not friendly relationship with the previous manager, a Mr. Deutsch. What was bad, at the start, was that Mr. Deutsch, too, was a confirmed bachelor but of an altogether more predatory sort. And what was worse (and beyond Mr. Boo's comprehension, though he had been warned of the possibility by his trusted roommate) was that Mr. Deutsch might very well have his eye on Mr. Boo and not in an entirely innocent and helpful way.

So off went the very naïve Mr. Boo to his first "working lunch" with Mr. Deutsch. Mr. Boo, being recognizant of Mr. Deutsch's helpfulness, had allowed the latter to chose the restaurant for the lunch. When Mr. Boo arrived he noticed that the place was rather small and entirely too dark for any kind of work (no matter how high Mr. Boo ratcheted the brightness on his laptop monitor). When Mr. Boo recounted his lunch to his room-mate, the co-renter scoffed and said, "I think something quite funny is going to happen and you, dear boy, are not in the least capable of handling it." Meanwhile, Mr. Boo's dog, a smart little being in his own right, was thinking that this was exactly true but also thinking, "Mr. Boo is such a hapless and guileless little moron and he is about to be eaten alive."

But Mr. Boo believed nothing like this and scheduled another lunch with Mr. Deutsch and this time they did work. As they worked, though, Mr. Boo noticed that Mr. Deutsch was dressed rather—how can one put it?—seductively (his shirt rather too unbuttoned, his pants rather too tight) and smelled rather of rose-water. Mr. Boo was forced to appraise Mr. Deutsch and had only two thoughts about the situation which now, indeed, seemed to be presenting itself: Ick; how do I continue to solicit this person's help without also placing my innocence in dire peril?

He returned to his roommate and recounted his lunch. The roommate responded, rather unhelpfully, by laughing his mother-fucking ass off. The little dog had to leave the room as he was now yodeling with merriment.

Mr. Boo now clearly had a dilemma and the two who were apprised of it thought that it was going to be one fucking hi-larious year!