Da hos be everywhere!
Among the many new television channels to which the Mooks have subscribed is one that depresses me even as I cannot turn away from it. It's Animal Planet. Sure there are all the shows about animals that attack and maim and get out of control, but there are a hell of a lot of shows about whore dogs and their clients.
And—oh, my!—there are so many different kinds of whore dogs.
Like seeing-eye dogs. I mean, here you are, leashed to a fucking human anchor for the rest of your days and all you can do is obey. Well, it's not all you can do. You can wait for the right moment and walk the human into traffic. I mean, what could they do to you that's worse than a lifetime of slavery to a human who's damaged goods to begin with. Sometimes, when I'm out with the Mooks, I see them training working dogs on our street. I have to say working dogs 'cause now they're using us to drag their frigging wheel-chairs around!
The Mooks were talking, during one of these shows about seeing-eye dogs, and Mook A talked about how his first girlfriend (long fucking story) is now blind and has a dog too. But there was once when she had a dog that didn't work out. A met her at a restaurant downtown and the dog, who is supposed to sit under the table and behave, kept bolting about the place and eating off the floor and getting into other people's faces. The dog was adorable, according to A, but utterly useless. The woman was so insecure about the dog that when they left the restaurant she asked him to take her arm and to bring her to the subway because the dog had a tendency to walk her against the traffic lights. The only thing that was impressive about the mutt, said A, was that before they went into the subway the woman ordered the dog, "Do!" and the animal promptly squatted and had a shit, which the woman smelled around for and picked up with a plastic bag. Now tell me who in this relationship is the smarter animal? The dog who prefers to have fun and eat and who, on top of that, has trained the human to pick up his shit? Or is it the idiot human who relies on the dog to save her sorry ass from catastrophe? As it turns out, the dog was taken back by the association for the blind and the woman got a new one who really worked. But it just goes to show you the consequences of "not behaving" (read: not whoring).
And they have so much work for us to do, the fuckers: sniffing for drugs, cadavers and
bombs. Are those really the ways God-fearers want to treat sensient beings? Hey! why don't you go stick your nose in some poison, a rotting carcass or near a thing that can blow your asshole onto the next block!
And don't forget mushing dogs or trick dogs, who do "funny" stuff for crowds. These animals get, what?, a couple of squares a day and maybe a fucking hunk of dried up, flavourless baked flour they have the nerve to call a cookie?
What about the prancing whores? The show dogs. There's this one show where they follow these losers called groomers who like nothing better than combing us and clipping our nails so that we can dance about an arena to be judged. Do you believe that? Judged? How dares a species as hideous as humans have the fucking gaul to judge another species which is already inherently beautiful (even without the faggoty hairdos and painted toenails you see on show dogs).
And then there are the porn dogs and I don't think I have to say too much more about them. Imagine how bad a Milkbone addiction is that you find yourself getting buggered by some sweaty slob with a comb-over or being sucked off by some skanky, disease-ridden slut.
But I'll tell you something...
All those whore dogs don't make me nearly as angry as another group of mutts. At least with mushers, workers and porn dogs you can understand that need, want or servitude put them in a hard spot. No, the dogs who really piss me off are the ones who go ballistic with joy if a fucking human so much as looks at them. There's a Boston bitch down the road who gets the frigging twat-drools if any human also-ran walks by her. She's dancing and singing and bouncing about. She is, of course, beloved by everyone in the neighbourhood as a "character."
I keep hoping...no, praying!...that she'll dance and bounce her little black-and-white arse in front of truck. Is there a whore worse than one who does the job for nothing?
I think not.
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