Exotic Léo
The problem with all adopted dogs is that the new masters all have an image in their head of what they want. It ain't what they get.
For one thing, most masters want a Lassie. That is dog code for dogs who are slavish to their masters. It comes from a TV and movie dog back in the 50s and 60s who was always solving problem for the retarded humans. A real dog would have left Timmy drown in that fucking well, but not Lassie. Lassie was played by a guy 'cause, as everyone knows, bitches are dumb as posts. But even though it was a guy playing her, Lassie/Laddie was still the kind of sissy who probably squats when he pees and then licks the master's hands for the privilege.
Lassie was a collie. No one really wants a collie anymore. They're long-hairs and hard to keep clean. I only knew one collie and she was in the pound for a long time; a dog as mangey as a whore's beaver.
Though Lassie behaviour is what people want, they want different looks now. A while back it was dalmatians because of that idiot movie. Now it's Marleys. Everyone wants a fucking Marley and everyone soon gets rid of their fucking Marleys. There were eight labs in the pound, each one fucking crazier than the last. When the pound dog-walkers would come in at the end of the afternoon, they labs would start to shriek like a chorus of Wagnerian sopranos shitfaced on schnapps. That's how I got adopted, really. The Mooks came and while they were there, looking over the other dogs, the walkers arrived and all these Faux-Marleys went bananas.
Group barking is beneath me and the Mooks noticed and figured I was a "good dog." That's when I should have crapped on the floor and had dinner or some damn thing like that to keep from the subsequent enslavement.
So here's to the Lassies and the Laddies. May they rot in their little garden graves for having made life impossible for the rest of us.
Fundamentalist Léo
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